The Principle of Holes and Piles is an easy way to understand the impact of our childhood experiences.
After childhood has been constructed and finished, we are all just trying to build a landscape that we want to live in. When young, we envision our lives looking a particular way in adulthood. We often imagined an adulthood that included elements like satisfying relationships, marriages, families, homes, work we enjoy, security, stability, comfort, and leisure. Unfortunately, for many, there are unresolved aspects of childhood trauma that can get in the way of establishing the kind of landscape we want to live in. These are holes and piles that we bring with us into adulthood and our relationships.
The holes in our story represent needs we had that were unmet, and the piles in our story represent experiences we didn’t want but were subjected to anyway. Holes could include childhood needs like attention, affirmation, approval, affection, and acceptance. Piles could include experiences like physical and sexual abuse, domestic violence, alcoholism, or family instability.